Week 5 - Why am I Here?

Welcome to Week 5

I call her, Mothy.

Week 5 Video Recap

Things I've learned this week:

• Apparently David Attenborough is the Chuck Norris of Biology films outside of the US.
• Playing barefoot basketball is not easy on first-world feet.
• Lord of the Flies makes you think too much.
• Parrotfish make islands.
• Wounds do not heal in the tropics.
• Germans have a tough time pronouncing the "th" sound.
• Filipino doctors go by their own schedules. CPT is a thing here.

Planting a tree. With Coral's help

Things that happened this week:

• I read Lord of the Flies.
• Our team was invited to a Filipino birthday party. The birthday girl turned 1. There was beer and Hello Kitty cake.
• I had cake.
• Played a basketball game barefoot against the local police. The entire town came out to watch. We lost, 15-13. They had shoes on, we did not. Rematch imminent.
• I got really big blisters from playing basketball without shoes against the local police.
• Saw another turtle!
• Had a campfire with marshmallows.
• Went to the doctor again (I'm fine)
• Got pizza again!
• I passed my last science tests!
• I turn 25!
• Our running water shut off for 5 days
• Our electricity has been incredibly unreliable. Would not recommend for hire.
• We found a moth the size of my head.
• I planted a tree.
• Team Germany (Lea and Tine) made me donuts for my birthday this morning. They know I'm an American and I have missed donuts dearly. Then the whole gang surprised me with them at breakfast. Incredibly touching, guys.

DONUTS!!

Captain Cake Beard

This week's entry is a little different from the past few. I had a few days off from diving due to an ear injury, and I did some thinking.

It takes a different tone - a little more thoughtful than usual, and very honest.

Bear with me, I've been reading Lord of the Flies this week. This shit may get deep. Piggy.


"Why are you here?"

That's a damned good question.

I get asked this quite often.

My standard answer is: "To shake things up."

While I think that is a decent description, it isn't very satisfying and makes me sound like a middle-aged divorcee.
This week I've decided to come up with a better answer. It's something I've been pondering for a while, but now I'm finally sitting my ass down and doing it.




So why am I here?


Not a WHY AM I ON THIS EARTH, "here". That would be ridiculous.
More of a why am I traveling, why am I in the Philippines,  "here".

It's not a unique question to ask yourself, but I think it's one we all try to answer at some time or other.

On the surface, I say I'm here because I want to see the world and give back while I do so. Surveying coral and fish in the Philippines sounded good.
Easy answer, sounds good. Done.
And it's true, that is what I want to do.

But there has to be more, right?

Expanding horizons is another easy answer to give, and it's not wrong. I do want to see what life outside the US is like.

Again, a decent answer, but one that's still not quite telling the whole story.

I'll admit: I want cool stories. I want to have some cool tales to tell when I'm older.
And so far it's working!
I guarantee a flying sea snake would not have attacked me at the dinner table in Carmichael, California.
I wouldn't get to feel my heart pounding as I surface from a dive with waves crashing around me, tossing me to and fro like a ragdoll, if I were playing video games back home.

There is also something to be said about proving to yourself that you are cultured and interesting. I think this is an aspect as well.


So, interesting stories and pretending to myself that I'm cool.
Narcissistic yes, but that can't be the full story.

So, what else?

Marine Biology isn't a particular calling of mine, so that's probably not it.

I don't have a lifelong pen pal that I finally decided to come visit.

I don't have some tragedy or heartbreak I'm escaping.

I love my life back home. My family, the people who have come into my life, rugby...
I wasn't missing anything.
A lot of people would kill to have the life I've had so far. Stable, secure, blessed with a good family... what else is there?

I had a promising start at a great company, with people I enjoyed.

I don't think I'm running from anything, except maybe premature maturity.


So I think the real answer is: I had to.

I've had a wanderlust building inside me for quite some time. It's an itch that I haven't been able to shake for some time now, and I don't think Sharper Image has come out with a WanderLust Itch Scratcher yet, so it's time I scratch it.
When I was 12 I dreamt up a fantasy of moving to Australia and being a mailman for a few years. A walking mailman, to be clear. More social.
While a bit odd, it's indicative of an underlying desire to get out there and do something different.

I fear the mundane. More than snakes, more than anything.
The thought of being another run of the mill guy in his mid-twenties with no world experience scares the hell out of me.

I'm 25 and I JUST got out of school. My entire existence thus far has been preparing me for this "life" thing. Unfortunately, a "good life" is often misconstrued to mean "career".
What's the first thing college grads think about after walking across that stage?
Starting a career.
School for 20+ years and then...career. Where is the life part?
Are you telling me that I go straight from school to work? Seriously? From one routine to another?
I'm not ready for that.
I'm not ready. Listen to that. Is there anything more selfish than running halfway across the world simply because I'm "not ready"?

I realize that I've been selfish my entire life. However, before it was usually under some sort of supervision - school, sports, work, love life, etc.
The ability to be utterly selfish, to be responsible to nothing and no one, that is what I crave.
To finally be in full control of my own destiny. (Call me a sorority girl, but it sounded good)


I've got more rugby to play, more stupid jokes to make, more cereal to eat for dinner, more... more irresponsibility.

So why couldn't I do all of that at home in California?

It's the wanderlust.

There are 3 people I can blame for the wanderlust.

Papa Haugen: Dad was barely 20 before he came home from Vietnam. Then he spent his 20s traveling the country as a deep sea welder and pipefitter, living with his buddies in a motorhome,
and eventually working on nuclear power plants scattered across the nation. He met my mom in Washington during one of those jobs. And he had a sweet red corvette.
If I can live up to half of this man's awesomeness, I'll be thrilled. Let's face it, one quarter would even kick ass.

Dan the Man: He left home in Israel with a VW van and drove around Europe during the 70s, picking up hitchhikers to help pay for gas along the way. Straight baller.

Mo Nasseri: He came to the US from Iran without knowing English, decided he'd become an engineer, then met a beautiful blonde American woman and the rest is history.

The stories these guys can tell are some of the coolest you'll hear in your life. These three men exude confidence like nobody's business, and I believe some of it stems from the fact that they got out there and lived a little. I don't think any of them ever planned to become family men, but that's what they've all become - and from all accounts, they are one of a kind.

This is the kind of living I'm talking about. Getting out and seeing some stuff, taking risks, all that cool stuff people do in movies.


Eventually there will come a time when I am no longer able to be selfish. Frightening though it may be, it will come.

I think when the time comes, I will embrace a career, along with the routine and security that come with it.
When it's time to have a family - when I'm damn good and ready - I think I'll love it.
But how do you make commitments when there's some place you'd rather be?


I guess I'm kind of getting ready for life, just in a roundabout way.
By avoiding responsibility and routine, I think I'm trying to satsify that inner twelve-year-old's desire to explore and adventure, and shoot BB guns.
Hell, I may even build a fort. Why not?
What if I never took this chance to be selfish and focus on myself?
How can I expect to ever get married if I'm not ready to give up myself? What about kids?
Maybe being selfish while I still can is an important step towards adulthood.

I know what Sacramento Travis is like, but how much of myself is influenced by the people I'm around, the comfort zones I've built.
I want to see which part of "Travis" stays constant.
Sort of a nature vs. nurture kind of thing. Kind of.


One thing's for certain; I'll never have another time like this in my life.
When else will I be able to sit on a lawn chair 15 meters from the beach, in the Philippines, and write about why I'm there?
I don't have work projects, I don't have papers to write, I don't have any deadlines.
My biggest responsibility today was to sweep and mop a floor.
Amazing, right?

There's a part of my brain that nags me and continuously asks, "How is this sustainable?"
The answer is, it's not.
I justify my traveling on the basis that it's temporary. It will serve its purpose, and then I'll go home.
This is my recess. I work hard through the morning, go play and get rid of all that penned up energy, so then I can come back inside and work with a clear head.



Thanks for the read.
Hope you enjoyed.

Thoughtful Hogs